This morning I shared with my husband an incident that happened at work the previous day. Something really trivial had gotten me very aggravated and agitated. At the time of the incident I recognized that my emotions were getting out of control but instead of putting the brakes on and listening to the Holy Spirit I convinced myself that I had a right to be mad and let it show. I remained in an agitated state for about an hour or so - pretty long for me really. I managed to shake it off but really took the incident home with me and planned to share it with my husband to garner his sympathy.
Well, this morning it backfired on me.....my husband did sympathize to a degree but he reminded me that I had done similar things to provoke agitation in him. Of course I did not want to hear that and stormed off and became agitated once again.
On the way to work G-d began speaking to me and I had nowhere to go to escape...I listened of course and He began to soften my heart. A song came on the radio about that time called "I Am New" sung by Jason Gray. Here are a portion of the lyrics:
I am not who I was
I am being remade
I am new
I am chosen and Holy
And I'm dearly loved
I am new
The words had an effect on me and I began thinking about what a Rebettzin said to me years before. She said "if an offense is never taken an offense was never done." In other words, I can refuse to take offense about something even if the other person meant to offend. If I refuse to be offended I will not become agitated, my witness will not be ruined, and most importantly, I will not lose my G-d given peace.
I don't need to operate in the flesh all the time - that is conforming to how the world acts. I have the Holy Spirit in my life speaking to me, leading me, cautioning me....I look forward to the day when I can listen the first time and avoid a situation instead of learning my lesson afterward. But as the song says, I am being remade. His mercies are new every morning. This morning I am reminding myself that I AM chosen and I AM dearly loved by the Master and Creator of this world. Why should anything steal my peace when I have perfect peace knowing that my heart is safe with Yeshua and I am ensconced in His love?
So my heart hurts this morning for having grieved my L-rd but I pray that this message stays with me and I can be transformed by it so that I CAN prove that the will of G-d is good and acceptable and perfect.
Shalom and Amen.